Countdown to leaving

I am t-minus 9 days until I ship all my things but the essentials back to Oregon, and 13 days until the horses ship out.  It's 14 days until I pack up the kitties, my houseplants, and my suitcase, say goodbye to the man I love, and head West again.

Will it be goodbye forever?  Fourteen days of tears surprising me on and off every day, wondering if I'm doing the right thing.  Two weeks to question if I'm making a big mistake--but I guess that's what making big changes is about.  It's too late to change my mind again.  And I do feel that it is time to go home.

Yesterday the vet came out to do vaccinations for the girls, check them out and write up health certificates.  He took a look again at Tiny's jaw lump, and was perplexed to see the same thing sprouting on the other side.  I'm convinced they're "teething bumps".  With her itty bitty head, she has less room for teeth to come in.  He declared her fit for travel in two weeks and asked that I send him an email after she saw my vet back home.  There's a traveling dental specialist in Washington who can see her if need be.

I am having a really hard time.  Some moments feel like nothing could ever be different than it is right now--I make my coffee in the morning and eat my toast, sit in my favorite chair and watch the cats do whatever it is they do, just like any other day.  But now everything has a countdown.  Is this the last day I drive by that house?  The last time I hear a Wyoming thunderstorm?  I don't remember the last time I drank from my favorite cup before I packed it away, and so many other things.  Everything seems important.

It's almost like what happens when you lose someone: somehow everything somehow relates to the day they died, which becomes the center of your universe.  That bill I paid, it was before.  This moment, is after.  But the waiting is worse, knowing the end is coming--and that I caused it--and not having a clue how to face it when the moment to leave finally arrives.